My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
