im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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