If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize