Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
birth control should be required to get into college
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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