Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
