Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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