dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
please come you make the beer taste better
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
