I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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