I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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