I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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