My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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