i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
