I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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