i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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