im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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