I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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