Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
