If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
