I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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