I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
