Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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