Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
