I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
