Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
