Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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