I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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