her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
