honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
