My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Welp...herpes.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
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I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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