i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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