i permit you to call me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
