i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Randomize
