I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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