my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
