Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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