I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
