dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
