i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
