Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize