a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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