my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
