Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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