It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hippo gnu deer
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
