Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Your penis caused this!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
