My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
