got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
