theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
