Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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