Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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