her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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