dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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