Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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