We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
