He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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