His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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