I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
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I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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