Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize