Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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