Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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