I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
