It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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