I CAN MOONWALK!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
