Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
