Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
