you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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