Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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