And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
