She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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