dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
