i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
