i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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