Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
