Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
