Your face is a jimmy john
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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