so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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