so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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