Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
