Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
