i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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