i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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