Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
