my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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