I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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