Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
