Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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