oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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