She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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