sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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