i love accidental penises.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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